Baby Time

So, I haven’t written in a while. That’s because I start to write and then find myself complaining about being uncomfortable and when I re-read what I’ve written, I hate myself for being a complainer and delete everything.

Well, I’m feeling better today… not physically but mentally. I’m 9 days past my due date and this little babe is showing no signs of coming on her own any time soon. So it’s looking like I might have to be induced tomorrow.

Even though this last week has been the most uncomfortable week of my life, I am grateful to have had the alone time with Blake before baby arrives. I know our lives are about to drastically change and it’s going to be tough at times. It’s funny to me how many people say things like “enjoy this time you have before she gets here!” or “take advantage of your freedom while it lasts”. I know they mean well, but their comments are sort of eerie and “doom impending” to me. I’d like to think that I won’t be the type of person to say something like that to a pregnant mother and father-to-be but who knows, I haven’t experienced the aftermath yet. I think it only bothers me because I already know that it will be difficult. I’ve spent a lot of time taking care of children in the past and trust me, I know. But maybe they think they’re actually helping me by letting me know it will be hard, as if I think it will be a walk in the park.

Anyway, it’s been a strange thing just waiting. Waiting to feel the real pain associated with childbirth. If I think I’m in pain now, I can only imagine how uncomfortable labor will be. Sadly, I was so much more ready to do the whole labor thing about a week ago. Way back then, I had more energy and didn’t feel like my pelvic bone was going to break every time I stood up. I was just uncomfortable enough to want the baby out and I still had the energy to do it. Now I’m feeling less ready only because I’m worried that I’ll be completely exhausted before it even starts to get really difficult. But I expressed these concerns to Blake and he reminded me that my body will do what it’s meant to do and I’ll have inexplicable amounts of energy due to hormones and whatever else is going on in there.

Speaking of which, I feel really lucky to have Blake here to help me through this. Not only because there was a chance that he may not have been here but also because I know he’s really going to help me feel better throughout the whole process. I’ve been a pretty easy going pregnant woman thus far… I don’t ask for much or cry all the time or crave weird things in the middle of the night. But when I asked for a muffin yesterday after Blake said he was going to the convenience store and he came back with no muffin because they didn’t have the one I wanted, I was unreasonably upset. There was nothing to eat for breakfast in our house and I was really looking forward to that muffin. He knew I was mad. I thought he had gone to the gym after that but a little while later he came back with three different muffins. Saying that he went to a different place and they still didn’t have the one I wanted but he got all the other flavors. He tossed three muffins on the couch where I’ve been lounging like a beached whale for the past week and that’s when I remembered why I love him so much.

It’s an unreal feeling knowing that we will become parents tomorrow, or possibly the next day depending on how long labor lasts. All I can say is that I hope it goes by pretty quickly, we have waited long enough to meet this little girl and I can’t wait to finally see her face.

We’ll take all the prayers and positive vibes we can get! So send em’ our way and stay tuned for the arrival of the newest member of our little family.

 

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Third and Final Trimester

I have finally made it to the 8th month of pregnancy which means we get to meet baby Logan next month! It has been quite a journey to say the least. I remember feeling like it was never going to come to and end during the first trimester, like the finish line was just way too far to see. Now I’m a little more than 6 weeks from my due date and although that’s still a good little chunk of time, it’s nothing compared to the past 7.5 months.

The third trimester comes with lot’s of new feelings, including an occasional kick to the ribs. If you’ve read my previous pregnancy-related posts, you know that it took me a long time to actually¬†feel pregnant. Well, after about 25 weeks, my belly grew a lot each following week and baby’s movements grew much stronger. It’s pretty fascinating to watch her little body jerk my belly around and even though I’m more used to it now, it still freaks me out.

I’m starting to mentally prepare myself for labor and delivery and trying to get things ready to go. I have to pack a hospital bag, install a carseat and learn as much as I can about giving birth so that I am prepared when the time comes. I’ve learned a lot already and heard tons of wonderful birthing stories from other moms. It’s definitely scary but it helps to hear about other peoples experiences, because no matter how different their stories are they all have the same ending. They all end with a baby in their arms. Labor and pregnancy in general are different for everyone and even change depending on the child. Each of us has our own path to take but in the end, we reach the same destination- motherhood.

I will have spent 9 out of 12 months this year focusing on bringing new life into the world and now I’m only six sweet weeks away from indulging in some delicious raw fish. Seriously though, not being able to eat sushi has been so difficult but I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to change my lifestyle somewhat drastically so that my baby is healthy. It’s obviously a small price to pay but considering that this pregnancy was somewhat surprising, I never really got the chance to mentally prepare myself for the changes I had to make.

I can’t believe that I’m going to be a mom next month… it’s all very surreal. My life is about to change even more drastically and I know it will be really difficult at times. But from what I hear, it’s totally worth it. Wish me luck ūüôā

Preparing for Parenthood

It’s pretty unbelievable to think that our daughter will be here in only 10 more weeks. The past 7 months have been filled with so many different emotions. It’s kind of overwhelming knowing that I’m bringing another human into the world. I’ll be responsible for keeping her safe and teaching her how to be a good person, but she will be her own personality. Yes, it is my responsibility to bring her into the world- but who she becomes as a person is embedded within her at birth. She will have a personality and sense of humor all her own. She will show interests in certain things and choose other humans to make relationships with. I can guide her along the way and do my best to instill good morals and behaviors into her life but ultimately, she will be who God created her to be.

Being a parent is a big responsibility, it can even be thought of as sort of a job. My job is to love, encourage and believe in my daughter. To be an example of kindness and strength to her and to always be patient when she is learning new things or expressing difficult behavior. I feel the way a lot of people probably feel when they graduate college and start a new career. Going from a life of freedom and fun into a life of bills and 5 day work weeks. I know it’s not exactly the same, but it’s a big life change. It’s no longer just about me, and this is a very permanent situation. It’s something that takes some mental preparation and acceptance. Accepting the fact that my life is going to change drastically once this baby is born has been a bit of a struggle for me. I’ve been babysitting since I was 15 and I know how hard it can be to take care of children. It takes a lot of patience and attention. I worry that I might not do a good job, that I may lose my patience or not give my child enough attention. Realistically, I know this is bound to happen from time to time. I just have to try my best, and that’s all I can do.

I’m terrified that the little baby who’s been growing so comfortably in my belly will soon be ripping my body open to get out. I don’t think about it very often, and I say I’m terrified.. but I’m actually a lot more calm about it than I would have thought I’d be before I got pregnant. Ever since I was a little kid the thought of having to go through that kind of pain really freaked me out. I would cringe at the thought of having to push a little human out of my body. And even as I got older I would joke about just getting a surrogate because the thought of childbirth was scary to me. Yes, it’s still a scary thing but the pain won’t last forever and at this point, I kind of have to do it…. so there’s no point in freaking myself out about it. I like to think that everything will go smoothly and I’ll get to brag about how it was no big deal…. positive thoughts right? I also think that things are more likely to go smoothly if I believe that they will, the mind can play some horrible tricks and I don’t want to spiral down a hill of negative thoughts. All I know is that I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. All women for that matter, are stronger than anyone gives them credit for.

It’s also scary to think that bad things can happen to my little human. She can get hurt or sick or have her heart broken and I may not be able to do anything to help her or relieve her of that pain. My dog gets an eye infection and I’m freaking out trying to figure out what I can do to make her better, I can imagine this worry will only multiply by 10 when it comes to my child. I need to remember that I don’t have control over every situation in life and to trust God. I don’t want to be an overbearing parent who won’t let my kid make her own mistakes. I have to let her fall off a bike so that she can learn how to stay on it. I can do everything in my power to keep her safe and healthy but I know that I don’t have complete control over everything that will happen in life. This is where the positive mindset theory comes back into play. I just have to hope and pray for the best and take things as they come.

I’m unsure how to feel about having my own little baby to take care of. I know I can do it and that I’ll work hard to be really good at it. But I still can’t quite grasp the fact that I’m actually going to be a mom. I think once I see her little face and start to bond with her, then I’ll feel that connection. I keep wondering what she’s going to look like and what her little smile will be like. It took me so long to actually feel connected to this pregnancy, but now that I can feel her moving, it has definitely helped make things more real. It honestly freaks me out. People talk about what an amazing feeling it is… and they’re not wrong, but it’s also so so strange. Being able to look down at my stomach and see her shifting around, wondering whether it’s an arm, a leg or her head that’s making my belly poke out on one side, is the most surreal thing. I don’t always feel pregnant, but when I see or feel her moving, I remember that theres a person growing inside me and it trips me out. This has been my body for my whole life, I’m familiar with most weird feelings I get and how my body looks. But this is a whole new thing that my body has never done before, so unfamiliar and almost unbelievable. These feelings are so foreign and so is the shape of my body.

I’m excited but it’s a different kind of excitement, for it comes with so many fears and other feelings. It’s the kind of excitement one might feel when they get a promotion at work. There are reasons to be happy about it, but the hours are longer and the work is harder. I’m excited to meet our little girl and to watch her grow and find out what kind of parents Blake and I will be. I can’t wait to teach her things and raise her to be a strong, fun, and kind person. I have always wanted to be a mom and I kind of feel like it was one of the things I was born to do. I’ve never really had a passion for anything when it comes to school and “what I want to be when I grow up”. Some people have a passion for a certain career even at a young age. I remember being asked in first grade what I wanted to be when I grew up, I went with teacher… probably because it was a teacher who was asking so that was the first profession that popped into my head. I love a lot of things and it’s hard for me to commit to doing one thing for the rest of my life. I don’t feel that way about becoming a mom though, I feel like it will come naturally to me. Of course it will still be difficult at times but I will treat it as a job and work every day to be the best mom I can be for my child.

I feel very¬†fortunate¬†to have a husband who supports me emotionally and financially so that I can take my time to figure out my own career. Also now, so that I can be home with our daughter to raise her. I know a lot of people don’t always have that option and I’m aware of how lucky¬†I am. Honestly, my life would be so different if it weren’t for Blake. I don’t know if it would be good or bad. All I know is that I love the life we have created together and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m sincerely the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I know that bringing a child into the mix can sometimes make things difficult. However, I like to think that we’ll make a great parenting team and come to agreements on how to raise our children without it becoming a stressor on our relationship.

Parenthood is rapidly approaching and I feel so many different things. But most of all I feel like I’m ready to take on the challenge and excited to meet the little person who is made up of me and the person I love.

 

 

 

First Trimester

So I’m closing in on my first trimester of pregnancy and I thought I’d share my experience so far. ¬†Pregnancy is such a bizarre thing, I know there is a tiny human growing inside me but it still totally trips me out. I think since I don’t really have a baby bump yet, I still don’t feel like it’s 100% real. And that’s insane right? Because at this point I’ve been pregnant for three months already!

That’s three whole months of no sushi and no alcohol… which has really been hard because those are the two things Blake and I would do for fun on weekends. Now we go to sushi and I get to order the avocado cucumber roll while I watch Blake scarf down 20 pieces of salmon nigiri. You best believe I’m counting down the days till I can do the same. But sushi and alcohol aren’t the only things pregnant women have to stay away from, there are things I had no idea I couldn’t eat and once I found out, it only made me want them more. Anything unpasteurized, soft cheeses such as brie, LUNCH MEATS- (all I wanted was a subway sandwich after I heard that one), coffee (another tough one), raw sprouts, cookie dough (ok fine, I’ll bake it!) and Caesar dressing.. someone decided to tell me about that one when Caesar salad was one of the only things I could bare to eat.

Then there are the things that you think won’t even be an issue like going on rollercoasters, something I never do. But when I went to SeaWorld last weekend I realized for the first time how many rides they actually have as I sat on the sidelines watching everyone else have a blast. When I was at my moms place a couple weeks ago I really wanted to get in the pool but the weather was a little gloomy, so the jacuzzi sounded like a nice idea.. yeah, can’t do that either. It’s okay though, I know that 9 months of avoiding fun activities will seem like no big deal in the long run.

Luckily I didn’t get bad morning sickness. I think God knew I’d never have another kid if that were the case so he cut me a break there. Anyone who knows me is aware of my strong aversion towards vomiting. Instead, I have had some nausea but mostly I’ve just been SUPER TIRED. Like- I never ever used to take naps, now I take a nap probably every other day. I don’t really feel like myself and I hate that I don’t have the energy or willpower to get things done, but I suppose things could be worse. My sense of smell seemed really heightened at the same time that I was getting nausea, so I had to stay away from my dogs’ breath for a while there.

It’s interesting how every pregnancy is different. Some women start showing sooner than others and some get really bad morning sickness. I’ve met a few other pregnant girls from a group that I’m in and I’ve found it very interesting to hear about everyone’s unique experiences.

Even though I still sometimes don’t feel pregnant, the thing that really helped me wrap my brain around it was the ultrasound. They make you wait 8-10 weeks just to see your baby, which makes sense because they need to give it time to grow and make sure that the pregnancy will stick. But that had to be the longest 10 weeks of my life. Once I saw what was going on inside my body, I was filled with emotions. I really didn’t think that I would get emotional but seeing that little jellybean shaped baby in my belly was so amazing. It made things feel more real and also made me want to do everything possible¬†to make sure this baby is healthy.

So aside from my insane tiredness, I feel pretty good and I’m happy to be entering the second trimester on Monday. I feel truly blessed to have this opportunity to create a life. I know it wont be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.