Motherly Love

It’s nearly 6 a.m. and I’m slowly waking up to the tiny coo’s coming from the little person I brought into my bed when she woke up in the middle of the night. I open one eye and try to shove a binky in her mouth, hoping that she will immediately go right back to sleep. “Come on”, I think “just give me another hour.” Sometimes it works and sometimes I have to accept whatever amount of sleep I got and hope to catch a nap later in the day (but I don’t count on it). As unhappy as I am about having to wake up before my body wants me to, I can’t help but smile when I turn my head and see the sweetest little grin- consisting only of two bottom teeth.

The day starts with a feeding and a diaper change for her and a large iced coffee for me- you know, the essentials. As she sits up on her play mat she examines her many toys with her eyes, hands, and mouth. I spend about 10 minutes playing with her before I look around and make a mental list of all the things that need to get done around the house. And then something else catches my attention and I wish I had written that list down on paper.

When I start thinking about my week I realize that I have no idea what day it even is. So I yell out to the only other person in the house who can talk back, “Alexa, what’s the date today?”. She gives me the 411 and when it’s a Friday, a little piece of me dies as I think back to the days when a Friday was always something to look forward to.

I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love another person, but being alone with her all the time can be- I’m just gonna say it… boring as hell. Saying this makes me feel bad. I look at how big she’s gotten and I can’t believe that what the millions of strangers have told me is actually true. “It goes by so fast!” Ugh I hate when the strangers are right.

It does go by so fast. Suddenly she won’t let me hold her a certain way, so I adjust to her needs without realizing that I’ll never hold her the same way again. I mean, I could but she’s bigger now and it’s not the same. Some days may be boring, but they are also filled with moments of pure happiness and amazement at the little person my baby is becoming. It also doesn’t hurt to have cool neighbors and friends that keep me sane.

At the end of the day, when we’re both in our beds, I go to sleep knowing that I will be woken up in a few hours. I know that I will have to get up, go into her room, and lift her out of her crib to bring her into my bed because I’m too dang tired to do it again. I go to bed knowing all of this and being totally okay with it because I also go to bed knowing that I’ll wake up to the sweetest little two-toothed grin.

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Milestones

Watching your child grow is probably the best reminder of how fleeting life is. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been trying to work on some lifestyle changes. One of the things on my list is to keep a journal to track Logan’s growth. I’ve always kept a journal but lately I have been so horrible about actually writing in it.

So as I lie awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the amount of caffeine I’ve consumed today.. I choose to write. Not in my journal because that would require lights and a pen, but here in my online diary for all to see!

April was a big month for little Logie. She was baptized, tried solid foods, got two bottom teeth, and started rolling all over the place. So far in May, she has begun to say things like “mamamama” and “dadadadada”, and she sits up on her own like a champ. She’s working on her dexterity all the time and I have so much fun watching her grab things and try to shove them in her mouth.

She’s been sleeping better too! How quickly I’ve forgotten having to wake up every couple of hours for feedings. She was waking up twice for the past couple of months but now she pretty much only wakes up once, usually around 4am. Then goes right back to sleep after I feed her. AND she’s starting to sleep in her crib.

All of these little milestones are amazing to watch. I see this little baby that I brought into the world and just observe as she becomes more and more intelligent each day. It happens so fast! Blake and I hear it ALL THE TIME… “enjoy it, they grow up so fast”. We actually laugh about how many times we hear that when we go out in public because it’s a ridiculous amount. But they really are growing so fast when they’re babies.

During the first three years of life, we learn more than we ever will in any other three years of our lives. That’s why the early stages of life are so important. Babies are constantly absorbing new information and they totally vibe off of the emotions and reactions of the adults around them. I don’t even like yelling at my dog in front of Logan because I don’t want her to think I’m yelling at her. Yelling is toxic and can have lasting effects on a child.

Granted, it’s bound to happen sooner or later when your kid is misbehaving but I think it’s important to try to discipline without yelling. Ever since I’ve become a parent, I think a lot about what a huge responsibility it is. We are responsible for raising a whole generation of people and if we collectively do a great job then the world will be a better place for everyone.

Happy Tears

Yesterday Logan laughed for the first time, like really laughed! And OMG my heart melted. It’s the most indescribable feeling raising a little human. I had heard moms say things like that in the past, before I had a baby of my own. But now I understand what they meant. The first time she smiled at me, my eyes started to tear up because my heart was so happy. When she laughed yesterday I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I laughed with her. I saw her little personality shining through those pretty blue eyes and thought, “I can’t believe I made this”. It’s these little moments that make me understand why people decide to have more than one kid.

There are so many things about pregnancy and becoming a new parent that people don’t talk about. The recovery process is really tough for moms. Your body just pushed another human out of it, of course its going to take a while to heal. A long nine months of buildup all comes down to this one day when your body just spits out a mini person. The belly is still there, just smaller and saggier. Your body is this alien thing that you don’t even recognize and your stretch marks are painful to look at. You know that you just preformed a damn near miracle so you love your body anyway and just hope that it goes back to how it was, and as hard as it is to believe.. it pretty much does, eventually.  Going to the bathroom is terrifying. All that blood and junk that was in there with your baby is still coming out of you for weeks! I KNOW..TMI but I really feel that this needs to be shared because I was not expecting to have to wear mondo maxi pads for over a month after having a baby. Breastfeeding is painful and SO time consuming, you’re at your baby’s beck and call every couple of hours all day and all night.

One thing you’re probably expecting but never actually ready for is the sleep deprivation. Why are you expecting it? Well because every friend, relative, and acquaintance with a child will be sure to tell you to enjoy your sleep while it lasts, of course.. ensuring you that it won’t last very long! Well being 9 months pregnant, waking up to pee 5 times a night, struggling to get comfortable, having a hard time flipping from one side to the other, and trying to ignore the back pain while fighting off leg cramps and acid reflux isn’t exactly a great nights sleep either. (run-on sentence much?- yeah, it was necessary)

The lack of sleep might cause you and your partner to get into stupid little arguments. I know it was difficult for Blake at first because I was the only one who could feed Logan but I was just SO tired and uncomfortable and two hours felt more like two minutes between feedings. When he would say “she’s hungry!” as if I didn’t know, it honestly was annoying to me. I know he didn’t mean to be rude about it, he was just frustrated that she was crying and he couldn’t give her what she needed. I would have to mentally prepare myself for the pain of breastfeeding each and every time. We had to stop ourselves a couple of times and verbally point out that we were arguing with each other for no good reason other than we were both sleep deprived.

It was those first few weeks that made me wonder why the hell anyone would put themselves through that on purpose multiple times over. I looked at my mom and thought, woman you are insane for having three children so close together. I’ve always loved her for being my mom but I definitely had a newfound respect for her and all the other great moms I know. Those first few weeks go by, and breastfeeding is no longer painful. You start to get used to waking up in the middle of the night and functioning with less sleep. Your body starts to heal and your belly slowly but surely begins to shrink. Going to the bathroom becomes less scary and suddenly you’ve got the hang of life with a newborn. Then all of a sudden, your baby isn’t fitting into those newborn clothes anymore and you’re feeling conflicted about how fast they’re growing. The first couple weeks are a huge blur. Your baby is this little slug who can’t do anything for themselves and they do nothing exciting… but the baby cuddles are intoxicating. Feeling that soft little head on your cheek is another indescribably wonderful feeling. Then come the smiles, and then the laughs and you realize that your life before baby was void of something and you never had any idea. You never knew that your heart could be SO full of love. You understand why people want more. You may even try to remind yourself of all the hard times and difficulties so that you don’t end up with Irish twins.

I am loving being a mom and I could go on all day about about the cute things my baby does and how much I love her, but I think it’s equally as important to acknowledge the harder parts. Spreading baby fever with pictures and videos is easy but people don’t see all the hard work behind those pictures. The ten thousand diaper changes and the never-ending neurotic google searches about whether the color of baby’s poop is normal, what that rash could be, and when they will start sleeping through the night, etc. ect.

Motherhood is a difficult lifestyle change. It’s a demanding job and it can be really draining. But that first laugh, yeah…. that first laugh makes it all worthwhile.

Motivation Monday #54 

Happy Monday! I hope all the moms out there had a wonderful Mother’s Day! 

Blake and I finally got to announce our big news yesterday- I’m 12 weeks preganant and we’re super excited about this next chapter of our lives. In only a couple of months my life has already changed quite a bit. I’ve been totally exhausted and had to give up a lot of things that I really love to eat, drink and do- and this is just the beginning. I have always thought about pregnancy as something that seems entirely impossible, yet without it, none of us would exist.  

It just goes to show that we can do incredible things, whether we think we can or not. God designed women to be able to create new life, so what’s to say we can’t do other amazing things that seem entirely impossible? 

You can do anything that you put your mind to. However, it’s always important to think about the ways your life will be changing as a result of that thing and to prepare yourself mentally. 

Pregnancy itself is hard but raising a child is too. Similarly, school can be hard- but the job you’re going to get after school may be just as hard. Losing weight is hard, but keeping the weight off is also difficult. Starting a business is hard, keeping the business successful… also hard. Lu know what I’m saying. Basically anything worth having in life is going to take some hard work. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth it though, when the reward is more important to you than the risk- you should go for it! 

Have an amazing week and keep working towards those goals of yours. You are capable of doing amazing things- God designed you that way.

Spread the Love

Today I want to get a head start on the Valentine’s Day celebrating and just spread a little love. 

I see so many friends on social media arguing about politics lately and to that I say- I’ve had enough. 

Enough of the negativity from both sides. And enough of the anger and hatred.

I want to remind everyone to appreciate the goood things in life and stop focusing on the bad. The more you focus on negative things the more negative your life will be. 

Think about your health, your family, the people you love, your job, your home, and even the food on your table. Be grateful.

The holiday of love is fast approaching and whether you are in a relationship or not, this is a good time to be thankful for anyone you love- your parents, siblings, friends- even your dog! 

Don’t get so caught up in life’s stressful moments. Buy a box of chocolates, share them with a friend. Get your mom some flowers. Bake your neighbor some cookies. Maybe even buy a meal for someone in need. Just spread the love, because we sure could use a little more of it these days. 

Grateful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is finally here and although I did miss a couple of weeks, I managed to write about one thing that I am grateful for almost every week since I began.

Today is a day to reflect on every reason that you have to be thankful, whether it’s a person, place, feeling, thing or literally anything else. There are so many reasons to be thankful, LITERALLY SO MANY!

We focus on such trivial things in our day to day lives that our attention is often taken away from what matters most. Forget the stresses of your job and any drama in your life and be grateful for the people who love you, the things that make you happy and the places you love to be. I am so grateful for this holiday and the opportunity to gather with family and eat delicious food.

To those of you who take the time to read my blog, I am thankful for you and I hope that you have a wonderful turkey day!

XOXO

Grateful for My Home

Thanksgiving is now exactly two weeks from today and despite any negative feelings you may have due to recent political activity, there are still so many wonderful reasons to be grateful.

I have already shared some of the most important reasons that I am grateful including family, friends and my husband. People always come before things, but as our parents always say “If you have a roof over your head and food on your plate, you have nothing to complain about”.

I feel very lucky to be a homeowner and I hope that our home will serve as a gathering place for family and friends. I want everyone to feel welcome and comfortable here because there’s no fun in having a home if you don’t fill it with love and laughter.

No matter where you live, always be grateful for that roof over your head.

What are you grateful for this week? 

Grateful for my Dog

You’ve had a hard day at work, during your drive home you sit in bumper to bumper traffic until you finally reach your exit. You’re exhausted as you walk up to your front door, knowing that you’ll have to do the whole thing over again tomorrow. But once you turn that key and open that door, a little ray of sunshine appears to remind you that you are loved.

Yup you guessed it, that little ray of sunshine I’m talking about is your dog!

This week I am grateful for my dog, Skippy! I think that any dog owner can agree that there is something special about the relationships that we create with our pets. It’s a bond unlike any other and only those who have had a furry bff will understand. 

I’ve had Skippy now for twelve years, that’s half of my life!! He’s been around for so many major moments in my life. From graduating 8th grade, to graduating high school, getting married and then moving across the country, Skippy has been there for all of it. If I ever needed to cry or vent or give someone a hug, Skippy was my go-to-guy. 

He’s getting older now and I realize that we may not have much time left together. But I could never be more grateful for every moment we’ve spent together so far. Skippy is the best present that my parents ever gave me and he continues to make me happy every single day. 

Motivation Monday #38

Happy Monday! I’m getting a late start on my blogging today because I have been so busy doing things around the house. Since the day is already more than halfway through I’ll just remind you to keep up the good work!

Here’s a motivational quote to get you through the rest of the week..

“Don’t ruin a good today by thinking about a bad yesterday. Let it go”

Have a beautiful week!

Grateful for my Husband 

It’s time for my weekly gratitude post and this week I’m feeling extra grateful for my husband. It’s still feels weird to say that word… Husband. I’m 24 years old, married, and own a home… it sure seems like I’m doing everything right.

Well there’s no way that I’d be where I am today without Blake. God had a plan for us that I never would have imagined when we first met. 7 years ago we fell in love but we were young and immature and we broke up a lot. At one point I had accepted the fact that we weren’t getting back together and during that time I was able to find out who I was without him.

After our first year of marriage I can confidently say that I would marry him over and over again given the opportunity. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It can be hard work and both people have to make an effort. The scary thing is that no matter how compatible you are, people change and life can get in the way. But if your relationship is worth the time and effort, you don’t give up. You evolve together and fight to make it work.

That being said, I know that all relationships are different. But here are some of the things that are important in my relationship and why I am so grateful for Blake.

 
He never lets me forget my self-worth 

– When I expressed how nervous I was for my recent job interview he told me that they would be stupid not to hire me. And when they didn’t offer me the job and I expressed how bummed I was about it, he told me that it was ok and that I’ll find something better that I will enjoy more.

He loves me regardless of my flaws 

– Nobody’s perfect, we all know this. I can be an emotional person but Blake loves me even in difficult times. When we were living in North Carolina I was starting to feel really lonely and far from home. Without a job I felt worthless, but he told me that he loved me and that he was grateful that I was there for him.

He agrees with me 

– Of course we have our disagreements at times. But for the most part we agree on what’s important. Aside from the big stuff that we usually agree on, I really love when he agrees with one of my small opinions about home decor or something else that makes me happy.

He is respectful

– Gentlemen are a rare breed these days. Blake has grown into such a polite, respectful and kind hearted man. Not only is he respectful of me but also everyone around him. It makes my heart happy to see him go out of his way to do kind things for other people. This quality is something to be revered.


If you’re married or in a relationship, I hope that your significant other makes you feel grateful in some way. Life gets crazy sometimes but it helps to have a partner to get you through it.

What or who are you grateful for this week?