Motherly Love

It’s nearly 6 a.m. and I’m slowly waking up to the tiny coo’s coming from the little person I brought into my bed when she woke up in the middle of the night. I open one eye and try to shove a binky in her mouth, hoping that she will immediately go right back to sleep. “Come on”, I think “just give me another hour.” Sometimes it works and sometimes I have to accept whatever amount of sleep I got and hope to catch a nap later in the day (but I don’t count on it). As unhappy as I am about having to wake up before my body wants me to, I can’t help but smile when I turn my head and see the sweetest little grin- consisting only of two bottom teeth.

The day starts with a feeding and a diaper change for her and a large iced coffee for me- you know, the essentials. As she sits up on her play mat she examines her many toys with her eyes, hands, and mouth. I spend about 10 minutes playing with her before I look around and make a mental list of all the things that need to get done around the house. And then something else catches my attention and I wish I had written that list down on paper.

When I start thinking about my week I realize that I have no idea what day it even is. So I yell out to the only other person in the house who can talk back, “Alexa, what’s the date today?”. She gives me the 411 and when it’s a Friday, a little piece of me dies as I think back to the days when a Friday was always something to look forward to.

I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love another person, but being alone with her all the time can be- I’m just gonna say it… boring as hell. Saying this makes me feel bad. I look at how big she’s gotten and I can’t believe that what the millions of strangers have told me is actually true. “It goes by so fast!” Ugh I hate when the strangers are right.

It does go by so fast. Suddenly she won’t let me hold her a certain way, so I adjust to her needs without realizing that I’ll never hold her the same way again. I mean, I could but she’s bigger now and it’s not the same. Some days may be boring, but they are also filled with moments of pure happiness and amazement at the little person my baby is becoming. It also doesn’t hurt to have cool neighbors and friends that keep me sane.

At the end of the day, when we’re both in our beds, I go to sleep knowing that I will be woken up in a few hours. I know that I will have to get up, go into her room, and lift her out of her crib to bring her into my bed because I’m too dang tired to do it again. I go to bed knowing all of this and being totally okay with it because I also go to bed knowing that I’ll wake up to the sweetest little two-toothed grin.

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Milestones

Watching your child grow is probably the best reminder of how fleeting life is. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been trying to work on some lifestyle changes. One of the things on my list is to keep a journal to track Logan’s growth. I’ve always kept a journal but lately I have been so horrible about actually writing in it.

So as I lie awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the amount of caffeine I’ve consumed today.. I choose to write. Not in my journal because that would require lights and a pen, but here in my online diary for all to see!

April was a big month for little Logie. She was baptized, tried solid foods, got two bottom teeth, and started rolling all over the place. So far in May, she has begun to say things like “mamamama” and “dadadadada”, and she sits up on her own like a champ. She’s working on her dexterity all the time and I have so much fun watching her grab things and try to shove them in her mouth.

She’s been sleeping better too! How quickly I’ve forgotten having to wake up every couple of hours for feedings. She was waking up twice for the past couple of months but now she pretty much only wakes up once, usually around 4am. Then goes right back to sleep after I feed her. AND she’s starting to sleep in her crib.

All of these little milestones are amazing to watch. I see this little baby that I brought into the world and just observe as she becomes more and more intelligent each day. It happens so fast! Blake and I hear it ALL THE TIME… “enjoy it, they grow up so fast”. We actually laugh about how many times we hear that when we go out in public because it’s a ridiculous amount. But they really are growing so fast when they’re babies.

During the first three years of life, we learn more than we ever will in any other three years of our lives. That’s why the early stages of life are so important. Babies are constantly absorbing new information and they totally vibe off of the emotions and reactions of the adults around them. I don’t even like yelling at my dog in front of Logan because I don’t want her to think I’m yelling at her. Yelling is toxic and can have lasting effects on a child.

Granted, it’s bound to happen sooner or later when your kid is misbehaving but I think it’s important to try to discipline without yelling. Ever since I’ve become a parent, I think a lot about what a huge responsibility it is. We are responsible for raising a whole generation of people and if we collectively do a great job then the world will be a better place for everyone.

Life With Logan

I wish I could say that I knew it was Tuesday when I woke up this morning, but I seriously thought it was Monday. I almost started off by saying “Happy Monday!” But thought, hmm I better check to make sure… and thank goodness I did! So I guess I have Mom brain now… also it’s hard to keep track when my days are filled with the same routine of changing diapers, breastfeeding, and trying to get things done around the house while Logan sleeps.

I’m not complaining at all, it can get repetitive and lonely at times but I’m already sad about how much she’s grown in the last 8 weeks. I mean seriously, this girl is already on the verge of growing out of 3 month clothes. And carrying her around is becoming more of an arm workout by the day. But those sweet little smiles she gives me every morning make it all worthwhile.

Since Blake left, It’s been sort of a rollercoaster ride. It took me a while to get used to doing everything on my own. I was scared to even go grocery shopping because I can’t very well push a baby in a stroller and also push a cart. So I put the baby in the car seat and the car seat in the cart.. then there’s barely enough room to put food in the cart but hey! It works. I was also worried about having a crying baby halfway through my shopping experience and not being able to calm her while also checking off my grocery list. Thankfully she takes a pacifier and that works about 90% of the time.

Life with Logan is a major learning experience. (TMI alert) A week after Blake left, she was having teeny bits of blood in her stools. It would come and go so at first I wasn’t sure if I should worry. Then, when it was happening for a couple of days straight I started to freak out. I did tons of googling and ended up calling the nurses hotline, they told me to take her in the next day to see a pediatrician. That morning I called to make and appointment and there was no availability. So it was off the the ER. Yup just me and my 5 week old baby hanging at the ER during flu season! Woo!

It was literally my worst nightmare. I was so paranoid that I wouldn’t even sit down in a seat while I was waiting. Logan was covered up in her stroller and I was wearing a face mask. I even doused my ID in sanitizer after the front desk woman checked us in.

Turns out little Logie has a dairy allergy and that’s what was causing the blood in the stools. So I had the choice to either put her on a soy based formula or stop eating all dairy. I went with the latter because it seemed like the best choice for both of us. I figured it might be a good way for me to lose some weight. It’s actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be. The hardest part is that I can’t satisfy my sweet tooth because just about all delicious desserts have dairy in them. Luckily I can still eat sushi… so at least there’s that! I’m probably eating a lot more carbs than before so I don’t really know if it’s helping with weight loss but I feel better overall and there’s no more blood in the diapers- It’s a win-win!

Having a baby is scary at times, especially when I have to make big decisions on my own. I’m in charge of this little human-being and it’s my responsibility to keep her healthy because she’s completely helpless right now. It’s also scary to watch other people holding her, not supporting her head properly, or trying to touch her face with their dirty hands while I’m holding her….I mean, most people know but there have been a couple instances… and I die inside each time.

It literally makes me feel sick if I think something is wrong with her. Any rash, weird poop, or even if she feels a little warm, my heart stops. Until I take her temperature and it’s normal, or google her symptoms to find out that it’s nothing serious.. then I can relax. I guess I’m a worrier. I do a lot better when Blake is here because he’s a lot more level headed when it comes to that stuff. He doesn’t freak out and start googling things like I do. He reassures me that it’s probably nothing and that alone makes me feel better.

Aside from my neurotic freak outs about Logan’s wellbeing, everything is good. Not easy by any means but I can literally feel how special this part of my life is. Having a baby is a huge blessing but also a major responsibility. I am determined with every fiber of my being to be the best parent I can be for this little girl. Life before Logan may have been easier but life with her has so much more meaning.

Grateful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is finally here and although I did miss a couple of weeks, I managed to write about one thing that I am grateful for almost every week since I began.

Today is a day to reflect on every reason that you have to be thankful, whether it’s a person, place, feeling, thing or literally anything else. There are so many reasons to be thankful, LITERALLY SO MANY!

We focus on such trivial things in our day to day lives that our attention is often taken away from what matters most. Forget the stresses of your job and any drama in your life and be grateful for the people who love you, the things that make you happy and the places you love to be. I am so grateful for this holiday and the opportunity to gather with family and eat delicious food.

To those of you who take the time to read my blog, I am thankful for you and I hope that you have a wonderful turkey day!

XOXO

Grateful for My Home

Thanksgiving is now exactly two weeks from today and despite any negative feelings you may have due to recent political activity, there are still so many wonderful reasons to be grateful.

I have already shared some of the most important reasons that I am grateful including family, friends and my husband. People always come before things, but as our parents always say “If you have a roof over your head and food on your plate, you have nothing to complain about”.

I feel very lucky to be a homeowner and I hope that our home will serve as a gathering place for family and friends. I want everyone to feel welcome and comfortable here because there’s no fun in having a home if you don’t fill it with love and laughter.

No matter where you live, always be grateful for that roof over your head.

What are you grateful for this week? 

Grateful for Family

Thanksgiving is only one month away and I know exactly what I’m grateful for this week.

FAMILY!

The older I get, the more I appreciate the time that I get to spend with my immediate and extended family. Living in North Carolina was the first time that I realized how much quality time with family really matters to me since there was a major lack of it while I was there. When you see someone every day or every week, you don’t think about what your life would be like without them in it for a longer period of time.

Last week I was able to drive home in just two hours to spend time with my family, having my aunt and cousin visiting from out of state made it an eventful time. It reminded me of the vacations that we all used to take together when we were younger. My mom and her siblings would set up these big family vacations for everyone, it wouldn’t happen every year but when it did it was always so fun and memorable.

Since we’re all getting older now and those of us who are still referred to as “the kids” have different schedules on top of the schedules of our parents, we haven’t really been able to schedule any more of those family trips. But it’s my goal to make it happen again, because I’m not ready for all the growing up that’s been going on lately and a family trip would be a good distraction from everything.

To my family, I hope you all know how much you mean to me!

XOXO

 

What are you grateful for this week?

 

Grateful for my Dog

You’ve had a hard day at work, during your drive home you sit in bumper to bumper traffic until you finally reach your exit. You’re exhausted as you walk up to your front door, knowing that you’ll have to do the whole thing over again tomorrow. But once you turn that key and open that door, a little ray of sunshine appears to remind you that you are loved.

Yup you guessed it, that little ray of sunshine I’m talking about is your dog!

This week I am grateful for my dog, Skippy! I think that any dog owner can agree that there is something special about the relationships that we create with our pets. It’s a bond unlike any other and only those who have had a furry bff will understand. 

I’ve had Skippy now for twelve years, that’s half of my life!! He’s been around for so many major moments in my life. From graduating 8th grade, to graduating high school, getting married and then moving across the country, Skippy has been there for all of it. If I ever needed to cry or vent or give someone a hug, Skippy was my go-to-guy. 

He’s getting older now and I realize that we may not have much time left together. But I could never be more grateful for every moment we’ve spent together so far. Skippy is the best present that my parents ever gave me and he continues to make me happy every single day. 

Grateful for the Moment

Fall is in the air (well- some days) and we are one week closer to Thanksgiving, which means I get to share one more thing that makes me feel grateful. This week I am feeling grateful to be able to enjoy the moment.

Lately my mind has been e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, one minute I’m thinking about bills and the fact that I need to find a job and the next minute I’m thinking about life and death. So when I find myself enjoying a moment with friends and my mind is not filled with worries, I feel grateful.

I think it’s common for people to stress themselves out just by thinking about things that they need or want to do. It is important to remember that it doesn’t take much in life to make you feel truly happy. It’s the moments we share with the people we love that are far more important than how much money we make or what kind of things we have.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and stay tuned for tomorrows weekly motivation!

Grateful for my Husband 

It’s time for my weekly gratitude post and this week I’m feeling extra grateful for my husband. It’s still feels weird to say that word… Husband. I’m 24 years old, married, and own a home… it sure seems like I’m doing everything right.

Well there’s no way that I’d be where I am today without Blake. God had a plan for us that I never would have imagined when we first met. 7 years ago we fell in love but we were young and immature and we broke up a lot. At one point I had accepted the fact that we weren’t getting back together and during that time I was able to find out who I was without him.

After our first year of marriage I can confidently say that I would marry him over and over again given the opportunity. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. It can be hard work and both people have to make an effort. The scary thing is that no matter how compatible you are, people change and life can get in the way. But if your relationship is worth the time and effort, you don’t give up. You evolve together and fight to make it work.

That being said, I know that all relationships are different. But here are some of the things that are important in my relationship and why I am so grateful for Blake.

 
He never lets me forget my self-worth 

– When I expressed how nervous I was for my recent job interview he told me that they would be stupid not to hire me. And when they didn’t offer me the job and I expressed how bummed I was about it, he told me that it was ok and that I’ll find something better that I will enjoy more.

He loves me regardless of my flaws 

– Nobody’s perfect, we all know this. I can be an emotional person but Blake loves me even in difficult times. When we were living in North Carolina I was starting to feel really lonely and far from home. Without a job I felt worthless, but he told me that he loved me and that he was grateful that I was there for him.

He agrees with me 

– Of course we have our disagreements at times. But for the most part we agree on what’s important. Aside from the big stuff that we usually agree on, I really love when he agrees with one of my small opinions about home decor or something else that makes me happy.

He is respectful

– Gentlemen are a rare breed these days. Blake has grown into such a polite, respectful and kind hearted man. Not only is he respectful of me but also everyone around him. It makes my heart happy to see him go out of his way to do kind things for other people. This quality is something to be revered.


If you’re married or in a relationship, I hope that your significant other makes you feel grateful in some way. Life gets crazy sometimes but it helps to have a partner to get you through it.

What or who are you grateful for this week?

Grateful for Friends

No I’m not talking about the T.V. show but if I’m being honest, I’m pretty grateful for that too!

I’m talking about the people who keep my life interesting, the ones who love me even though they don’t have to. The people who make me laugh and encourage me to be the best that I can be simply because they care about me. What a wonderful thing friendship is, just two complete strangers who create a bond like no other. If all else fails in life, at least we have our friends.

I have been blessed with so many wonderful friendships throughout my life so far. Some friends came and went but I have never forgotten the bonds that I had with them. I still think about all of them from time to time and hope they are doing well. Then there are the friends who came and stuck around, the people who have become more like family to me. For these people, I am eternally grateful! My life would simply not be the same without them and I truly believe that I am a better person just for knowing them.

I’ll be having dinner with two of my best friends tonight and although we are growing up and our lives are getting busier, I know that these two ladies will always be a part of my life. We’ve made it through distance, weddings, schools and new jobs with a bond just as strong or stronger than before.

This week goes out to all of the good friends out there! Be grateful that someone has chosen you to be their person!