Motherly Love

It’s nearly 6 a.m. and I’m slowly waking up to the tiny coo’s coming from the little person I brought into my bed when she woke up in the middle of the night. I open one eye and try to shove a binky in her mouth, hoping that she will immediately go right back to sleep. “Come on”, I think “just give me another hour.” Sometimes it works and sometimes I have to accept whatever amount of sleep I got and hope to catch a nap later in the day (but I don’t count on it). As unhappy as I am about having to wake up before my body wants me to, I can’t help but smile when I turn my head and see the sweetest little grin- consisting only of two bottom teeth.

The day starts with a feeding and a diaper change for her and a large iced coffee for me- you know, the essentials. As she sits up on her play mat she examines her many toys with her eyes, hands, and mouth. I spend about 10 minutes playing with her before I look around and make a mental list of all the things that need to get done around the house. And then something else catches my attention and I wish I had written that list down on paper.

When I start thinking about my week I realize that I have no idea what day it even is. So I yell out to the only other person in the house who can talk back, “Alexa, what’s the date today?”. She gives me the 411 and when it’s a Friday, a little piece of me dies as I think back to the days when a Friday was always something to look forward to.

I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love another person, but being alone with her all the time can be- I’m just gonna say it… boring as hell. Saying this makes me feel bad. I look at how big she’s gotten and I can’t believe that what the millions of strangers have told me is actually true. “It goes by so fast!” Ugh I hate when the strangers are right.

It does go by so fast. Suddenly she won’t let me hold her a certain way, so I adjust to her needs without realizing that I’ll never hold her the same way again. I mean, I could but she’s bigger now and it’s not the same. Some days may be boring, but they are also filled with moments of pure happiness and amazement at the little person my baby is becoming. It also doesn’t hurt to have cool neighbors and friends that keep me sane.

At the end of the day, when we’re both in our beds, I go to sleep knowing that I will be woken up in a few hours. I know that I will have to get up, go into her room, and lift her out of her crib to bring her into my bed because I’m too dang tired to do it again. I go to bed knowing all of this and being totally okay with it because I also go to bed knowing that I’ll wake up to the sweetest little two-toothed grin.

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Milestones

Watching your child grow is probably the best reminder of how fleeting life is. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been trying to work on some lifestyle changes. One of the things on my list is to keep a journal to track Logan’s growth. I’ve always kept a journal but lately I have been so horrible about actually writing in it.

So as I lie awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the amount of caffeine I’ve consumed today.. I choose to write. Not in my journal because that would require lights and a pen, but here in my online diary for all to see!

April was a big month for little Logie. She was baptized, tried solid foods, got two bottom teeth, and started rolling all over the place. So far in May, she has begun to say things like “mamamama” and “dadadadada”, and she sits up on her own like a champ. She’s working on her dexterity all the time and I have so much fun watching her grab things and try to shove them in her mouth.

She’s been sleeping better too! How quickly I’ve forgotten having to wake up every couple of hours for feedings. She was waking up twice for the past couple of months but now she pretty much only wakes up once, usually around 4am. Then goes right back to sleep after I feed her. AND she’s starting to sleep in her crib.

All of these little milestones are amazing to watch. I see this little baby that I brought into the world and just observe as she becomes more and more intelligent each day. It happens so fast! Blake and I hear it ALL THE TIME… “enjoy it, they grow up so fast”. We actually laugh about how many times we hear that when we go out in public because it’s a ridiculous amount. But they really are growing so fast when they’re babies.

During the first three years of life, we learn more than we ever will in any other three years of our lives. That’s why the early stages of life are so important. Babies are constantly absorbing new information and they totally vibe off of the emotions and reactions of the adults around them. I don’t even like yelling at my dog in front of Logan because I don’t want her to think I’m yelling at her. Yelling is toxic and can have lasting effects on a child.

Granted, it’s bound to happen sooner or later when your kid is misbehaving but I think it’s important to try to discipline without yelling. Ever since I’ve become a parent, I think a lot about what a huge responsibility it is. We are responsible for raising a whole generation of people and if we collectively do a great job then the world will be a better place for everyone.

Life With Logan

I wish I could say that I knew it was Tuesday when I woke up this morning, but I seriously thought it was Monday. I almost started off by saying “Happy Monday!” But thought, hmm I better check to make sure… and thank goodness I did! So I guess I have Mom brain now… also it’s hard to keep track when my days are filled with the same routine of changing diapers, breastfeeding, and trying to get things done around the house while Logan sleeps.

I’m not complaining at all, it can get repetitive and lonely at times but I’m already sad about how much she’s grown in the last 8 weeks. I mean seriously, this girl is already on the verge of growing out of 3 month clothes. And carrying her around is becoming more of an arm workout by the day. But those sweet little smiles she gives me every morning make it all worthwhile.

Since Blake left, It’s been sort of a rollercoaster ride. It took me a while to get used to doing everything on my own. I was scared to even go grocery shopping because I can’t very well push a baby in a stroller and also push a cart. So I put the baby in the car seat and the car seat in the cart.. then there’s barely enough room to put food in the cart but hey! It works. I was also worried about having a crying baby halfway through my shopping experience and not being able to calm her while also checking off my grocery list. Thankfully she takes a pacifier and that works about 90% of the time.

Life with Logan is a major learning experience. (TMI alert) A week after Blake left, she was having teeny bits of blood in her stools. It would come and go so at first I wasn’t sure if I should worry. Then, when it was happening for a couple of days straight I started to freak out. I did tons of googling and ended up calling the nurses hotline, they told me to take her in the next day to see a pediatrician. That morning I called to make and appointment and there was no availability. So it was off the the ER. Yup just me and my 5 week old baby hanging at the ER during flu season! Woo!

It was literally my worst nightmare. I was so paranoid that I wouldn’t even sit down in a seat while I was waiting. Logan was covered up in her stroller and I was wearing a face mask. I even doused my ID in sanitizer after the front desk woman checked us in.

Turns out little Logie has a dairy allergy and that’s what was causing the blood in the stools. So I had the choice to either put her on a soy based formula or stop eating all dairy. I went with the latter because it seemed like the best choice for both of us. I figured it might be a good way for me to lose some weight. It’s actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be. The hardest part is that I can’t satisfy my sweet tooth because just about all delicious desserts have dairy in them. Luckily I can still eat sushi… so at least there’s that! I’m probably eating a lot more carbs than before so I don’t really know if it’s helping with weight loss but I feel better overall and there’s no more blood in the diapers- It’s a win-win!

Having a baby is scary at times, especially when I have to make big decisions on my own. I’m in charge of this little human-being and it’s my responsibility to keep her healthy because she’s completely helpless right now. It’s also scary to watch other people holding her, not supporting her head properly, or trying to touch her face with their dirty hands while I’m holding her….I mean, most people know but there have been a couple instances… and I die inside each time.

It literally makes me feel sick if I think something is wrong with her. Any rash, weird poop, or even if she feels a little warm, my heart stops. Until I take her temperature and it’s normal, or google her symptoms to find out that it’s nothing serious.. then I can relax. I guess I’m a worrier. I do a lot better when Blake is here because he’s a lot more level headed when it comes to that stuff. He doesn’t freak out and start googling things like I do. He reassures me that it’s probably nothing and that alone makes me feel better.

Aside from my neurotic freak outs about Logan’s wellbeing, everything is good. Not easy by any means but I can literally feel how special this part of my life is. Having a baby is a huge blessing but also a major responsibility. I am determined with every fiber of my being to be the best parent I can be for this little girl. Life before Logan may have been easier but life with her has so much more meaning.

Motivation Monday #46 

Happy Monday friends! 

This is the first Monday in a while that I have actually had the energy to be motivational. 

Aside from the fact that it’s pouring outside, (which is making me feel like I’m back in North Carolina) it’s still a good day to have a good day! 

I’ll share a little story with you about what’s going on in my life lately. 

I was so eager to find a job when I moved to San Diego that I took the first job that I was offered. 

I applied to multiple jobs for weeks on end and prayed that I would find anything.  With a husband who is gone a lot and only a couple of friends in the area, I was desperate to find something to keep me busy. 

Sometimes the things we think we need are not actually beneficial to us in the long run. I really didn’t dislike my job at first. It was a rapid decline that took me from being completely okay with going to work to being in tears the moment I got off. 

The company I worked for became so understaffed over the past month that I was doing the work of three to four people by myself. They began scheduling me for overtime shifts without asking my permission and making me work certain shifts by myself. As a part of the waitstaff, I was also required to do the job of the dishwasher on days when she wasn’t there. There were days when I was by myself for 5 hours at a time, taking orders and serving food to a dining room full of people all while being expected to complete multiple other tasks.  I felt grossly overworked and under appreciated. 

On payday the employees were required to attend an all-staff meeting. During the meeting they would talk about how we should work on our productivity and have more positive attitudes. Not once did they bring up what they were doing to fix the major understaffing issue at hand. They even had a woman come in to talk about what to do if there was an active shooter in the workplace- if you ask me they were only covering their asses incase one of the many disgruntled employees decided to go off the deep end. 

They had a big holiday party planned and it sounded like it would be a fun event, but all I could think was that they should have been focusing on hiring people instead. 

So last week came to a boiling point for me when I was working as hard as I could to get everything done but I knew that there was no way it would get done in time. I was having an anxiety attack and I had to hide in the walk-in refrigerator to compose myself for a moment before I went out to clean the dining room. While I was cleaning dirty dishes off the tables a woman decided that it was the perfect opportunity for her to yell at me about how long it took to get her food. Blaming me specifically and assuming that I didn’t put her order in when in reality- she just came at a bad time and the chefs were busy making other meals. It was at that exact moment that I decided I wasn’t going to show up the next day- that is, as long as my husband was in agreement. 

It took a while to get ahold of him, but Blake agreed that no job was worth feeling the way I did. And so with a feeling of instant relief- I quit my job.

Today would have been my day off before having to go back tomorrow and I am so grateful that don’t have to. Now I can get back to blogging and doing things that I enjoy all while looking for a better job. 

So if you’ve made it through my whole  spiel and reached this point, then you’re highly deserving of this motivation that I’m about to bestow upon you. 

If you’re unhappy with anything in life- you have the power to change it. It might make things harder for a while but nothing worth having ever comes easy. 

I was unhappy with my job, so I quit. I should have waited and put in a two week notice but for my own sanity I’m glad that I didn’t. This will most likely make my life more difficult until I find another job, but I’m positive that something better will come along and I’m content just knowing that I won’t have to go back to the place that made me so miserable. 

Being happy is SO important. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for something that you think you need to do to make others happy. 

Have a happy week!

Spread the Love

Today I want to get a head start on the Valentine’s Day celebrating and just spread a little love. 

I see so many friends on social media arguing about politics lately and to that I say- I’ve had enough. 

Enough of the negativity from both sides. And enough of the anger and hatred.

I want to remind everyone to appreciate the goood things in life and stop focusing on the bad. The more you focus on negative things the more negative your life will be. 

Think about your health, your family, the people you love, your job, your home, and even the food on your table. Be grateful.

The holiday of love is fast approaching and whether you are in a relationship or not, this is a good time to be thankful for anyone you love- your parents, siblings, friends- even your dog! 

Don’t get so caught up in life’s stressful moments. Buy a box of chocolates, share them with a friend. Get your mom some flowers. Bake your neighbor some cookies. Maybe even buy a meal for someone in need. Just spread the love, because we sure could use a little more of it these days. 

Grateful for My Home

Thanksgiving is now exactly two weeks from today and despite any negative feelings you may have due to recent political activity, there are still so many wonderful reasons to be grateful.

I have already shared some of the most important reasons that I am grateful including family, friends and my husband. People always come before things, but as our parents always say “If you have a roof over your head and food on your plate, you have nothing to complain about”.

I feel very lucky to be a homeowner and I hope that our home will serve as a gathering place for family and friends. I want everyone to feel welcome and comfortable here because there’s no fun in having a home if you don’t fill it with love and laughter.

No matter where you live, always be grateful for that roof over your head.

What are you grateful for this week? 

Motivation Monday #38

Happy Monday! I’m getting a late start on my blogging today because I have been so busy doing things around the house. Since the day is already more than halfway through I’ll just remind you to keep up the good work!

Here’s a motivational quote to get you through the rest of the week..

“Don’t ruin a good today by thinking about a bad yesterday. Let it go”

Have a beautiful week!

Motivation Monday #37

Another Monday, how do you plan on starting your week?
What better way to kick of the week than by being productive?

Get stuff done today! Have a cup of coffee and make a list of all the things that you want to accomplish. As I have said in the past, making lists can be SUPER helpful. There’s so much going on in our daily lives that it can’t hurt to have a few written reminders lying around.

The more you do, the better you will feel by the end of the day. With less to worry about you’ll be able to enjoy a stress-free evening!

Now go tackle your Monday!

Motivation Monday #36

Happy Monday!

I hope that everyone enjoyed their weekend. I definitely enjoyed moving into our new home this weekend but I forgot how messy it can get while unpacking. I am the type of person who wants things to look prefect right away, so it has been kind of hard sorting through everything and still having a ton of clutter to go through. I have to remind myself that it’s ok to take things one step at a time and that eventually everything will be exactly as I picture it to be.

I think this is good advice for life in general. When we set out to accomplish any sort of goal in life, we sometimes forget to enjoy the time that it takes to reach our goal. Instead we just wish that our hard work would be over so that we can reap the benefit of whatever it is that we are working towards.

On this gloomy Monday I want to remind you to enjoy the process. Whether you are in school, working towards getting a better position at work or trying to do anything that will benefit your quality of life, don’t forget to enjoy the journey that it takes to get there!

XOXO

Grateful for Friends

No I’m not talking about the T.V. show but if I’m being honest, I’m pretty grateful for that too!

I’m talking about the people who keep my life interesting, the ones who love me even though they don’t have to. The people who make me laugh and encourage me to be the best that I can be simply because they care about me. What a wonderful thing friendship is, just two complete strangers who create a bond like no other. If all else fails in life, at least we have our friends.

I have been blessed with so many wonderful friendships throughout my life so far. Some friends came and went but I have never forgotten the bonds that I had with them. I still think about all of them from time to time and hope they are doing well. Then there are the friends who came and stuck around, the people who have become more like family to me. For these people, I am eternally grateful! My life would simply not be the same without them and I truly believe that I am a better person just for knowing them.

I’ll be having dinner with two of my best friends tonight and although we are growing up and our lives are getting busier, I know that these two ladies will always be a part of my life. We’ve made it through distance, weddings, schools and new jobs with a bond just as strong or stronger than before.

This week goes out to all of the good friends out there! Be grateful that someone has chosen you to be their person!