Motherly Love

It’s nearly 6 a.m. and I’m slowly waking up to the tiny coo’s coming from the little person I brought into my bed when she woke up in the middle of the night. I open one eye and try to shove a binky in her mouth, hoping that she will immediately go right back to sleep. “Come on”, I think “just give me another hour.” Sometimes it works and sometimes I have to accept whatever amount of sleep I got and hope to catch a nap later in the day (but I don’t count on it). As unhappy as I am about having to wake up before my body wants me to, I can’t help but smile when I turn my head and see the sweetest little grin- consisting only of two bottom teeth.

The day starts with a feeding and a diaper change for her and a large iced coffee for me- you know, the essentials. As she sits up on her play mat she examines her many toys with her eyes, hands, and mouth. I spend about 10 minutes playing with her before I look around and make a mental list of all the things that need to get done around the house. And then something else catches my attention and I wish I had written that list down on paper.

When I start thinking about my week I realize that I have no idea what day it even is. So I yell out to the only other person in the house who can talk back, “Alexa, what’s the date today?”. She gives me the 411 and when it’s a Friday, a little piece of me dies as I think back to the days when a Friday was always something to look forward to.

I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love another person, but being alone with her all the time can be- I’m just gonna say it… boring as hell. Saying this makes me feel bad. I look at how big she’s gotten and I can’t believe that what the millions of strangers have told me is actually true. “It goes by so fast!” Ugh I hate when the strangers are right.

It does go by so fast. Suddenly she won’t let me hold her a certain way, so I adjust to her needs without realizing that I’ll never hold her the same way again. I mean, I could but she’s bigger now and it’s not the same. Some days may be boring, but they are also filled with moments of pure happiness and amazement at the little person my baby is becoming. It also doesn’t hurt to have cool neighbors and friends that keep me sane.

At the end of the day, when we’re both in our beds, I go to sleep knowing that I will be woken up in a few hours. I know that I will have to get up, go into her room, and lift her out of her crib to bring her into my bed because I’m too dang tired to do it again. I go to bed knowing all of this and being totally okay with it because I also go to bed knowing that I’ll wake up to the sweetest little two-toothed grin.

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Milestones

Watching your child grow is probably the best reminder of how fleeting life is. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been trying to work on some lifestyle changes. One of the things on my list is to keep a journal to track Logan’s growth. I’ve always kept a journal but lately I have been so horrible about actually writing in it.

So as I lie awake in bed, not able to sleep because of the amount of caffeine I’ve consumed today.. I choose to write. Not in my journal because that would require lights and a pen, but here in my online diary for all to see!

April was a big month for little Logie. She was baptized, tried solid foods, got two bottom teeth, and started rolling all over the place. So far in May, she has begun to say things like “mamamama” and “dadadadada”, and she sits up on her own like a champ. She’s working on her dexterity all the time and I have so much fun watching her grab things and try to shove them in her mouth.

She’s been sleeping better too! How quickly I’ve forgotten having to wake up every couple of hours for feedings. She was waking up twice for the past couple of months but now she pretty much only wakes up once, usually around 4am. Then goes right back to sleep after I feed her. AND she’s starting to sleep in her crib.

All of these little milestones are amazing to watch. I see this little baby that I brought into the world and just observe as she becomes more and more intelligent each day. It happens so fast! Blake and I hear it ALL THE TIME… “enjoy it, they grow up so fast”. We actually laugh about how many times we hear that when we go out in public because it’s a ridiculous amount. But they really are growing so fast when they’re babies.

During the first three years of life, we learn more than we ever will in any other three years of our lives. That’s why the early stages of life are so important. Babies are constantly absorbing new information and they totally vibe off of the emotions and reactions of the adults around them. I don’t even like yelling at my dog in front of Logan because I don’t want her to think I’m yelling at her. Yelling is toxic and can have lasting effects on a child.

Granted, it’s bound to happen sooner or later when your kid is misbehaving but I think it’s important to try to discipline without yelling. Ever since I’ve become a parent, I think a lot about what a huge responsibility it is. We are responsible for raising a whole generation of people and if we collectively do a great job then the world will be a better place for everyone.