I wish I could say that I knew it was Tuesday when I woke up this morning, but I seriously thought it was Monday. I almost started off by saying “Happy Monday!” But thought, hmm I better check to make sure… and thank goodness I did! So I guess I have Mom brain now… also it’s hard to keep track when my days are filled with the same routine of changing diapers, breastfeeding, and trying to get things done around the house while Logan sleeps.
I’m not complaining at all, it can get repetitive and lonely at times but I’m already sad about how much she’s grown in the last 8 weeks. I mean seriously, this girl is already on the verge of growing out of 3 month clothes. And carrying her around is becoming more of an arm workout by the day. But those sweet little smiles she gives me every morning make it all worthwhile.
Since Blake left, It’s been sort of a rollercoaster ride. It took me a while to get used to doing everything on my own. I was scared to even go grocery shopping because I can’t very well push a baby in a stroller and also push a cart. So I put the baby in the car seat and the car seat in the cart.. then there’s barely enough room to put food in the cart but hey! It works. I was also worried about having a crying baby halfway through my shopping experience and not being able to calm her while also checking off my grocery list. Thankfully she takes a pacifier and that works about 90% of the time.
Life with Logan is a major learning experience. (TMI alert) A week after Blake left, she was having teeny bits of blood in her stools. It would come and go so at first I wasn’t sure if I should worry. Then, when it was happening for a couple of days straight I started to freak out. I did tons of googling and ended up calling the nurses hotline, they told me to take her in the next day to see a pediatrician. That morning I called to make and appointment and there was no availability. So it was off the the ER. Yup just me and my 5 week old baby hanging at the ER during flu season! Woo!
It was literally my worst nightmare. I was so paranoid that I wouldn’t even sit down in a seat while I was waiting. Logan was covered up in her stroller and I was wearing a face mask. I even doused my ID in sanitizer after the front desk woman checked us in.
Turns out little Logie has a dairy allergy and that’s what was causing the blood in the stools. So I had the choice to either put her on a soy based formula or stop eating all dairy. I went with the latter because it seemed like the best choice for both of us. I figured it might be a good way for me to lose some weight. It’s actually been a lot easier than I thought it would be. The hardest part is that I can’t satisfy my sweet tooth because just about all delicious desserts have dairy in them. Luckily I can still eat sushi… so at least there’s that! I’m probably eating a lot more carbs than before so I don’t really know if it’s helping with weight loss but I feel better overall and there’s no more blood in the diapers- It’s a win-win!
Having a baby is scary at times, especially when I have to make big decisions on my own. I’m in charge of this little human-being and it’s my responsibility to keep her healthy because she’s completely helpless right now. It’s also scary to watch other people holding her, not supporting her head properly, or trying to touch her face with their dirty hands while I’m holding her….I mean, most people know but there have been a couple instances… and I die inside each time.
It literally makes me feel sick if I think something is wrong with her. Any rash, weird poop, or even if she feels a little warm, my heart stops. Until I take her temperature and it’s normal, or google her symptoms to find out that it’s nothing serious.. then I can relax. I guess I’m a worrier. I do a lot better when Blake is here because he’s a lot more level headed when it comes to that stuff. He doesn’t freak out and start googling things like I do. He reassures me that it’s probably nothing and that alone makes me feel better.
Aside from my neurotic freak outs about Logan’s wellbeing, everything is good. Not easy by any means but I can literally feel how special this part of my life is. Having a baby is a huge blessing but also a major responsibility. I am determined with every fiber of my being to be the best parent I can be for this little girl. Life before Logan may have been easier but life with her has so much more meaning.