Alright, I’m back… now let’s see if I can write something worth posting before this baby wa… never mind, she just woke up.
Motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster. Some days are easier than others and other days are well, like today.. just absolutely awful. It wasn’t the baby that made my day awful though, no no, it was the dirt in my backyard.
You see, we have a lot of dirt in our backyard. Today it rained which means that the dirt turned into mud.
Tilly, our 11 month old great dane has never experienced rain before.. at least not like this. So she decided to have some fun and dig around in the mud and then proceed to track it around the entire house. With dark wood floors throughout, floors that I spent at least an hour cleaning only two days ago, the dirt was easy to see.
As I sat on the couch feeding a cranky baby who absolutely did not want to take a nap, I stared at the floors knowing that I shouldn’t stress about them because the rain probably wasn’t stopping anytime soon and even if it did, the mud would still be there for another day or so.
So I decided to take a shower instead. With a crying baby within earshot, I soon realized that I couldn’t even shave my armpits because Tilly thinks razors are chew toys and yesterday, she destroyed mine. Thankfully she didn’t digest any blades but you best believe I had a heart attack thinking that she did before I found the top part of the razor in the backyard untouched.
As you can imagine it was a pretty quick shower considering I couldn’t shave and I couldn’t stand the sound of my crying baby for very long. When I got out and got dressed I decided to tackle the floors, because lets be honest, they were giving me anxiety.
I locked the dog out and started sweeping, intending to wash the dog after. She inevitably started freaking out as she’s a bit clingy and does NOT like being locked out. Baby in one arm and Swiffer in the other, I half-assedly cleaned the floors.
Halfway through I realized that the barking, whimpering, and jumping up on the sliding glass door had stopped. So I went to check on the dog. I couldn’t find her anywhere in the yard and I started freaking out because she didn’t have her collar on. I ran back inside thinking I was delusional and that maybe she had gotten in somehow. I came back to see her sitting at the sliding glass door, hmm weird- but I didn’t have the time to think about where she had been while I was looking for her. So I continued cleaning and then someone knocked on my front door.
It was the sweet old man down the street letting me know that my dog was out and had run around the corner towards the busy street. Puzzled and concerned, I thanked him and ran straight to the backyard to see what was going on. Tilly was there, so who’s dog had he seen? He had described her exactly. Come to find out, the fence on the far end of the dirt side of the backyard had either been knocked down by the wind or Tilly knocked it over on her own. She probably headed straight for the busy street and freaked out about the cars, then came home.
I couldn’t get the fence to stay up sturdily enough not to be knocked over again, so I tried to get ahold of the dog to rinse her off and bring her inside. She knew she was in trouble so she wiggled her way under our deck, making her even muddier than before.
I was starting to lose it. A crying baby, muddy dog and broken fence were sure to be the death of me. I decided to join Logan and just cry a little bit myself. Then I called my mother-in-law for some help.
After my (trying to hold the tears in) phone call, Logan finally decided to fall asleep and Tilly came out from under the deck. I grabbed her and hosed her and the patio down. When I opened the sliding door and leaned in to lay down a towel, a shifty piece of moulding above the door fell down hitting me in the head. It was that exact moment when I couldn’t help but laugh/cry wondering what else could possibly go wrong.
My mother-in-law showed up and helped me try to fix the fence, but more importantly she made me feel better and not so alone.
A few hours later as I recollected my day, Tilly was sweetly leaning against me, letting me give her kisses and Logan was laying peacefully on the couch. I looked at them both and realized that even though they stressed me out, (mainly the dog) I couldn’t help but love the shit outta them.
So thats kinda how motherhood has been going for me so far… at least since Blake has been gone. When he was here it was 100x easier because Logan was sleeping pretty much all day and the dog listens to him much better than me… also he changed half the diapers and calmed the fussy baby half the time. I really don’t know how single moms do it, I imagine they don’t have wild puppies to worry about but if they do, Lord help them.
In conclusion, I can’t blame the baby or the puppy who don’t know any better. Therefore I blame the dirt.. and the rain that turned it into mud. Also the fence that might as well not even be there. Oh and I can’t forget the shifty piece of molding.. gotta keep an eye on that thing- it’s out for blood.
So anyway… Being a new mom is not always easy, as I had imagined. But I’m totally in love with this little human we created and I know that watching her grow up will trump all of the difficult days to come.
By the way I wrote most of this with one hand- frequently stopping to sip wine and calm a crying baby… blogging is no longer a leisurely activity- but I still love it.