Growing up is bittersweet


When I was 5 years old, I was given a fisher price doll house for Christmas. That big white house with the blue roof and pink trim was my favorite thing in the world. I would swing each side of the house open and force my miniature plastic people to act out the daily routine of real humans. I’d sit them at the kitchen table to eat their plastic food, walk them up the stairs  into their rooms and tuck them into their tiny plastic beds.

When I was a little older I would play “house” with my friends. We would act out different characters, my favorite was the “teenage sister”. I would call people on my invisible cell phone and pay for invisible makeup with my invisible credit card then drive off in my invisible hot pink convertible VW bug.

I clearly remember thinking, I can not wait to grow up! I will be able to do anything and go anywhere I want!

Well here I am now, 23 years old and married. I love being grown up just as much as I thought I would, but what I don’t love is feeling grown up.

What I mean is that I miss the innocence of childhood. The thought that good people always win and bad people don’t get away with bad things. Growing up comes with learning about all kinds of horrible things that happen in the world and it is terrifying.

Imagination and magic just vanish as an adult. You no longer believe in the magic of Santa or the Easter Bunny. You don’t watch the first Harry Potter movie and think, “WOW that’s amazing, maybe Hogwarts is a real place!” Now you watch the first Harry Potter movie and think, “wow the computer graphics in this are horrible, let’s watch the last one.”

All of the time I spent wanting to grow up, I didn’t even realize that I was.

I still sometimes catch myself feeling rushed to grow up. Some of my friends already have kids and have started families of their own. As much as I can’t wait for the moment that Blake and I have our first child, I also can… wait, that is. Because I know that once I have kids, my childhood is officially over and I’m not quite ready for that. I need a little more time to enjoy my lack of responsibly and do the things I won’t be able to once I have children.

Ever since I was 5, playing with my fisher price doll house, I have been excited to grow up. Now I’m 23 and have come to the realization that I need to slow down. I’m no longer in a rush to grow up, I’m now determined to appreciate every moment. To sit back, take a look at my surroundings, feel what’s going on around me and be grateful for the people in my life. Each moment of our lives is precious and should be treated as such.






2 thoughts on “Growing up is bittersweet

  1. We know that feeling, Tori. And, it’s true, the older you get, the faster the time goes by. I’ve told many people that the holidays are like a small snowball that begins rolling right after Halloween. It picks up size & speed as it approaches December 25th. I get bowled over by that snowball and lose track of Christmas. Then, all of a sudden, it’s New Years Day and I ask, “What just happened?”. I used to love going to get a Christmas tree, but now there are 4 opinions about which one to buy, and then getting in each other’s way trying to decorate it. Kathleen & I went to Stats last weekend to look at all the cool Christmas stuff. But, it wasn’t the same. The store is a little different, and it seemed to lack that “magic” of Christmas that it used to have. But a few things never change and help keep my heart in the season: Family; Traditional Christmas carols; A Charlie Brown Christmas; and knowing that the real spirit of Christmas can only be found in celebrating the birth of Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! The past few years I haven’t felt the Christmas “magic” either. I feel it more this year but I think it’s only because I’m so excited about coming home for Christmas. Hopefully we will be able to see you guys while were there đŸ™‚


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